


hum

by moriphyte



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 08:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5367653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moriphyte/pseuds/moriphyte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We always want what is kept from us.<br/>Well maybe I am the liar,<br/>and there is nothing that is left for us.<br/>You are a permanent scar.<br/>-Tigers Jaw- <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5alIWJfb9SY">Hum</a><br/><br/>The past leaves stains, like coffee thats been left to sit out in a mug on the counter too long because some asshole didn't do the dishes when they were supposed to. You can wash it, but the stain never really goes away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hum

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's writing shitty Homestuck fic on the train  
> The place they're at is based on the beach town I grew up going to in Delaware. There's like four Candy Kitchens there and they're all amazing I highly recommend going to them, the gummy sharks are great.

It's starting to get colder and the sky turns pink and purple above you as you stumble through the surf  
In front of you Terezi is laughing loud enough to drown the sound of the waves and splashing salt in your face each time her feet hit the water  
She turns and runs backward to face you, "come on dingus, I'm hungry"  
"I am, slow the fuck down" you call  
She laughs in that terribly obnoxious way that she does and spins back around  
She looks back over her shoulder and grins, "how about you run faster, nerd" and then she turns and takes off running  
"Dammit Terezi" you yell as you push your way through the rising waves  
How does she move so fast in this shit  
She answers you with another laugh and keeps running  
You speed up and manage to make it to the beach only a few steps behind her  
"Oh my god I'm dying" you say as you stumble out of the surf and dramatically flop onto the wet sand  
"Oh please" she says and you don't have to see her to know she's grinning  
"Fuck off, this pain is real" you say, throwing sand in her general direction  
She laughs and prods you with her little bare foot  
"Come on, get up, I'm hungry"  
"Leave me to die" you say  
"Fine, lay there like a lamo, I'm getting food" she says  
"You wanna get me some?" You ask, grinning up at her  
"Fuck no get your own food" she says  
"Come ooooonnn" you whine  
"Nope, see ya nerd" she says and then she's running back up the beach and climbing the rocks to the house above  
When you're done watching her go you sigh and close your eyes, listening to the sounds of kids playing in the waves and the distant sound of cars driving through the town.  
Fuck you're tired. Terezi really is an exhausting person to be around  
You're jolted into opening your eyes at the feeling of sand landing on your face  
You open your eyes and Terezi is looking down at you with a grin on her face and two coffee mugs and a plate in her hand  
She did get you food  
Score  
"Hey eggbutt get up I got food"  
You wipe the sand off your face and push yourself up to reach out for the plate as she plops down in the sand beside you  
"This ones yours" she says, passing you a pizza pocket  
"Gross, you know I don't like these things" you complain  
"Everyone loves pizza pockets" she says  
"No, I love pizza, there's a difference" you say  
"Well I love pizza and pizza pockets" Terezi says, picking up he pizza pocket and taking a big bite  
"You're disgusting" you say  
She gives you a smile filled with cheeze and sauce, "thank you"  
You go silent and start to eat, watching the waves off the shore of your home as you stuff yourself with pizza pocket and sip at the coffee  
It's watery as shit  
"Did Dave make the coffee?" You ask, taking another sip  
You feel her grin beside you, "yeah, how'd you know"  
"It's basically just espresso water" you say  
She laughs, "he likes weak coffee"  
"Well I don't" you say as you take another gulp  
Beside you Terezi is kicking her feet and coming way too close to getting sand in your coffee  
You ignore it, she wants you to react  
It isn't until she starts to bounce her shoulder against yours that you roll your eyes and turn your head to her  
"You wanna stop?" You ask  
She bites her lip and pretends to think on it, "nah, I'm good"  
"Oh my god stop" you say  
"Make me" she challenges, grinning  
"Fine, you asked for it" you say, elbow ing her hard in the side and sending her into the sand  
She pushes herself up and grins up at you through the sand in her face, "oh you're on" she says  
She pushes herself up and starts smacking at you with her tiny hands  
You put up your hands to block hers and lean back  
You hate when she does this, it's like the most annoyingly petulant thing ever  
You manage to push her hands down with one hand and you raise your other hand to smack her back because hey, you love being annoying and petulant  
Her eyes go wide and she jerks back, throwing her arms up to cover her face and falling back into the sand  
"Stop! Im sorry" She yells  
"Begging will get you nothing" you laugh  
"Please, stop! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" she yells and it comes out more like a sob  
You freeze and look down at her curled on the ground shaking and your stomach drops  
"Woah Terezi I didn't mean-"  
"Shut up" she yells, pushing herself up  
She's breathing hard and her eyes are unfocused  
"Are you okay?" you ask, reaching out your hand to her  
She smacks your hand away and curls in on herself, "no! I mean- don't touch me! I'm fine, just, I have to go" she says and then she's climbing to her feet and taking off across the beach and onto the boardwalk, shoving through the crowd and out into the road, causing a driver to slam their breaks. They honk the horn at her and yell something thats probably, "watch where you're going" but she doesn't even pause, she just keeps running until she's out of your sight.  
You look after her in a haze of confusion  
What the fuck just happened?  
Well whatever it was you're gonna put off dealing with it

  
You decide to finish off the rest of her pizza pocket before you go to look for her  
She was right, you actually do like pizza pockets, who the hell doesn't like pizza pockets?, you just wanted to complain  
You take the coffee with you as you take the steps of the boardwalk back up to the house, you'll need caffeine for this  
When you push through the torn screen door into the house Dave and Jade are doing dishes in the kitchen and Kanaya and Rose are sitting together at the coffee table watching Shark Week on Discovery  
Rose is writing in her notebook, either writing wizard fanfiction or taking notes on the show, and Kanaya is reading one of her trashy romance novels, not even paying attention to the tv. It's a travesty  
You can smell more coffee brewing in the machine and the TV is turned down to a low hum of background noise  
"Hey John!" Jade calls, hopping down on her dirty bare feet from her place on the counter where she was drying dishes with Dave  
"Sup" Dave says, not looking up from the dishes  
"Hey, have you seen Terezi?" You ask, walking over to the coffee maker to refill your mugs  
This takes Dave's attention from the dishes, he must hear the worry in your voice  
"Why, what happened?" He asks, setting down a coffee mug with a bad jpeg of Snoop Dog's face printed on it.  
"I have no fucking idea but I need to talk to her" you say  
"I haven't seen her but she's probably in the 'scourge fort' or whatever her and Vriska call it" Dave says  
"You mean their room?" you ask  
"Yeah that" he says  
You nod and then you're taking off out the door again, "thanks Dave" you call  
You hear the screen door slam and bounce shut behind you as you climb up the rickety wooden stairs on the outside of the house  
When you get to the top of you push through the rickety screen door i nto the hallway, bare feet cold on the sandy warped wooden floors, and stop at the at the door at the end of the hallway. The worn wood is painted white and dirty with years of handprints. The paint is chipping and peeling and the rusty doorknob doesn't turn when you try it. You can't see inside so you call "hey Terezi, are you in there?"  
Theres a pause and then a voice from inside says, "no"  
"You obviously are" you say  
"Fuck you"  
"Can we talk?" You ask, moving closer to the door  
"No, fuck off" she snaps  
"I have coffee" you say  
"No"  
"Come on, it's fresh"  
"No"  
"Yes"  
"No! Just leave me alone John!" She yells, unlocking the door and yanking it open to stick her head out the door and glare at you  
You shake your head, "nope, not gonna happen, I'm not leaving until we talk"  
"I don't need to talk to anyone, especially not you"  
"Look, if we're going to make this work we need to be open with each other" you say  
"No we don't, we're not Moirails, I don't have to tell you anything" she snaps  
"You do when it has to do with...whatever the fuck this is" you say, gesturing between you and her with your free hand  
"No, fuck off, you just want me to talk to you so you can throw it in my face later" she says  
"No, I want you to talk to me because it's what we're supposed to do" you say  
"You don't talk to your Kismesis about your feelings, dumbo" she says  
"I'm not asking you to tell me about your feelings, I just want you to tell me shit that has to do with this"  
She groans, "fuck off, I'm not telling you anything"  
"Come on, we're supposed to be rivals right, we're supposed to care enough about each other to make each other stronger, point out weaknesses and push each other to work on them"  
"Who says this is a weakness" she says  
"Terezi we were just messing around  and you had a panic attack and ran out into traffic,  I don't even know what I did"  
She glares at the ground, "it wasn't a panic attack" she grumbles  
"Looked like it to me"  
"No, it wasn't even close" she says   
"Well whatever it was you need to talk to me about it. Look, I know this is about what happened with you...uh, before, and I know you don't want to talk to anyone about it especially not me but I can't do this without knowing what I'm getting into"  
She crosses her arms and glares at the ground  
Finally she sighs and without a word she shifts out of the way of the door and you take that as a okay to come in  
You walk through the door and settle on Vriska's bed, across from her where she sits with her knees pulled to her chest on her own bed  
You silently offer her one of the mugs of coffee and she takes it, holding it close  
She takes a sip of her coffee and kicks her feet against your  knees  across the space between the beds and doesn't even seem to notice  
Above you the ceiling fan shakes so violently that you think it might just fall out of the cracking drywall of the cieling and in the window facing the street the old box air conditioner hums obnoxiously loudly  
"Maybe we shouldn't do this" she says, not meeting your eyes  
"Look, if you really don't want to do this then fine, I get that, but if it's just because of this then, no, I can't get that"  
"John you don't understand, you're a human, you don't know anything about this and me...maybe I'm just too fucked up for this"  
"Look I know I'm a human and I know I don't know how this works but I'm trying to learn, that's what I'm trying to do now"  
She groans and puts her head against her coffee cup  
"I don't know if I can do this John" she says into her hands  
"Yes you can, it's my job to point out your weaknesses and push you to fix them right? Well right now you're being stubborn for no reason and you need to just suck it the fuck up and talk to me" you say  
She looks up and glares at you, "fine"  
You knew she wouldn't back down from a challenge  
She takes a shaky breath and sits up straighter, settling back against the wall  
"What do you even want to know?" she asks, shifting her coffee cup into her lap and taking a sip  
"I want to know what happened with Gamzee"  
She winces and curls in on herself more, tightening her hands on her coffee cup and glaring miserably at the ground  
"How can I tell you that and still expect you to respect me?" she asks  
"I'm not going to stop respecting you, that's what this is all about right, being equals, rivals, pushing each other to get better"  
She laughs and shakes her head, "well that's not how it was for me"  
"Then tell me how it was" you say  
She sighs and shifts  on the bed , looking down into her coffee, "it wasn't like it is with us..."  
You bring your coffee close and try to settle  on the uncomfortably sandy bed. You pull an 8ball from under you and toss it across the room into a basket full of clothes.  
"Gamzee didn't respect me" she says "I knew it but it was my own fault, how could I expect him to respect me when I didn't even respect myself? He talked down to me every chance he got, told me I was useless and stupid, told me he was the only one who would ever want me after what I did. At the beginning I fought back because that's what I thought I was supposed to do but everything I said just pissed him off or make him laugh in my face. I thought that he was telling me all that for my own good, I believed him that these were really things that I needed to fix. But he wasn't trying to make me better, he was just pushing me into the ground...and he was enjoying it"  
She takes a sip of her coffee and let's out a shaky breath.  
"Then there was the other shit"  
She takes another sip of coffee, "that asshole was set off so easily , anything I did was an excuse for him to fucking loose it on me. I fought back at the beginning, I thought that's what I was supposed to do, but he just got even more pissed. I thought it was my fault that it wasn't working, I tried everything but no matter what I did it never worked. I didn't think he was actually trying to hurt me, he could just loose it is all. I thought that shit just came with Kismesissitude.  
She takes a breath and another sip of coffee, "when it got to the point where he was really hurting me, more than I could take, I asked him to stop. I don't know what made me think it would work, I felt like shit giving in like that, but I thought that maybe if I just told him he would realize what he was doing and stop. That only made it worse. After a while I realized he knew exactly what he was doing. He liked hurting me"  
thought it was normal but I guess it wasn't, you kind of made me realize that"  
She takes a long sip of coffee before continuing and you take the chance to do the same. "He wasn't pushing me to be better, he was just pushing me down, and the worst part is that I let him"  
"Terezi..." You start  
She sighs and shakes her head before looking up to meet your eyes, "you don't have to say it, I know you're not him, John"  
"Then why would you think I would do that to you?"  
"I don't, I told you I know you're not him, but I can't just forget what happened. It's my only experience with this"  
"But you said it yourself, I would never do that" you say  
"You don't understand...I can't control it...I don't...I don't know okay" she says making a noise of frustration and putting her head in her hands  
You fill the silence with a sip of coffee and a frustrated breath  
"Look, I can't understand in like...the way that you do but, I think I get what you're saying. Shit like that might happen sometimes but I get that it's not about me, and I won't look down on you for it. It's part of you so it's part of this, whatever it is, and I'm supposed to push you to fix it" you say, giving her a lame but well meaning attempt at a smile  
She looks at you with her bright eyes and then she's crossing the boundary between the two beds and wrapping her arms around your neck, hugging you painfully tight  
You freeze and you don't know what to do so you just wrap your arms around her and hug her back  
"Fuck, Terezi, I can't breath" you say after a minute  
You feel her smile against your shoulder, "good"  
"Seriously" you say, pulling at her arms around you but she just tightens her hold  
"Nah, this is comfy, I'm going to keep doing this" she says, settling her head against your shoulder  
"Oh my fuck get off you little asshole" you say  
"But you're warm" me mumbles into your shoulder  
"Oh my god get the hell ooooofffff"  
You keep trying to pry her off until she finally just lets go and sits back onto the edge of the bed, laughing  
"You're weak as fuck" she says  
"Fuck you" you snap back  
She grins, "nah, not feelin it right now"  
Your cheeks go warm, "that's not what I meant" you snap  
She laughs, "I know, I'm just messing with you" she says, poking at your shin with her foot  
"Let's call it something you have to work on" she says  
"Whatever" you grumble, burying your red face in your coffee mug  
She smiles and does the same  
"So, we gonna sit up here and be losers all night or are we gonna sit down there and be losers all night?" she asks  
You take another sip of coffee and hum in though  
"I say we go down stairs, it smells like they might be starting dinner  
"Wanna watch a movie?" She asks, grinning  
"You hate my movies" you say  
She shrugs, "I don't hate them, I just think they're shitty"  
"Oh wow that's so much better" you say  
"It is, that just makes them better. Plus I get to comment the whole time"  
"You're the worst" you say  
She grins wider "you know it"  
You walk back down into the house trying make each other spill your coffee by bumping shoulders  
Some part of you knows these stairs are going to pull a Spirited Away and fall off the side of the house one day

  
When you walk back in through the screen door Dave and Karkat look up from where they're sitting on the couch watching tv  
"Oh, hello again John, Terezi, we are having tacos for dinner" Kanaya says from her place in front of the stove where she's pushing around what looks like ground beef in a frying pan  
"Hey Kanaya, Dave are you using the tv?" You ask  
"We're just watching one of Karkat's shitty drama shows" Dave says, shoving some Doritos in his mouth and grinning at you through a mouth full of nacho cheese  
"Hey first of all you know it's called Gossip Girl and second of all its fucking awesome and you love it so suck my dick" Karkat says  
"It is a great show" he agrees, shoving another handful of Doritos in his mouth  
"Dave stop eating were almost done dinner" Rose says. He grins at her and shoves another handful of Doritos in his mouth which gets him an expertly aimed dirty dish towel in the face. "So can John put on one of his shitty movies then?" Terezi asks  
"Hell yeah, I'm always up for one of my best bro's shitty movies" Dave says  
"I would enjoy watching one" Rose says, smiling at you over a plastic cup of that raspberry iced tea that you make with powder. Terezi eats the powder straight, it's disgusting.  
"I would as well" Kanaya says  
"Well I guess we have no fucking choice" Karkat says  
"You can leave whenever you want to" Terezi says  
Karkat glares at her glances at Dave and then glares at the ground as he snuggles closer against him  
"I guess I'll just watch the season finale tomorrow" he grumbles  
Terezi grins  
"Alright let's do this what are we watching?" Terezi asks, plopping down on the couch beside Dave  
"Dave come help us" Rose calls from the kitchen. He groans and gets up "Karkat you too" Kanaya says Karkat gets up and follows Dave into the kitchen as you grab the remote from the coffee table and plop down beside Terezi  
"Any suggestions?" You call into the kitchen where Kanaya and Rose are putting the dirty dishes in the sink and Dave and Karkat are trying to balance dishes and stacks of plastic cups in their arms  
"Shitty indie movie" Dave says immediately over a stack of plastic plates  
"You always say that" Rose says, taking the plates from him  
"That's because they're great" Dave responds, walking over and setting the bowls of taco toppings on the coffee table  
You all gather around and load your taco shells with ground beef and toppings, pouring yourselves plastic cups full of that shitty powdered raspberry iced tea before squeezing into the couch in front of the tv "Okay I've got up indie movies any seem good and by good I mean shitty?" you ask  
"Stuck in Love is gay as fuck" Dave says which earns him a glare from Karkat  
"Hey that's like my favorite movie you dick hole you've watched it with me a ton of times you love it"  
Dave grins and laughs, "I know I was just fucking with you that movie is awesome"  
"Okay so not that one then" you say  
"What about Blue is the Warmest Color?" Rose suggests with a knowing smile on her face  
"That movie is basically just French artistic lesbian porn and you know it" Dave says  
"Exactly" Rose says, laughing silently over her coffee cup  
"Rose stop" Kanaya says, nudging her and looking down in embarrassment  
"How about Blue Valentine then?"  
"No, I am not letting you trick me into watching another indie pseudo porno named after a color" Dave says  
"Aw why not" Rose pouts  
"Rose oh my god stop" Dave groans  
"What about Palo Alto?" Karkat suggests  
"Dude that movie is terrible" Dave says  
"Fuck you" Karkat snaps  
"Man all I remember about that movie is that the girl sleeps with her married soccer coach and that the dude is a dick for absolutely no reason" Dave says  
"He's not a dick, he's trying to find himself" Karkat counters  
"Dude he threw a perfectly good strawberry smoothie on the ground in a gas station parking lot and the movie ended with him driving into the other lane of traffic" Dave says  
"Fuck you it's a good movie" Karkat says  
"What about Lords of Dogtown?" Dave suggests  
"I don't really feel like watching skater dudes have a rise and fall from fame" Rose says, taking a sip of coffee  
"Oh come on Rose that movie is awesome" Dave says  
"Oh my god just fucking pick something" Karkat interrupts  
"Fine, let's watch Magic Mike then" Dave says  
"That's not an indie movie" Rose says  
"No but it's filmed like one" Dave says  
"How so?" Rose asks  
"It's all shot in that shitty filter and they try to make it all dramatic and shit with the male strippers and the drugs and the sister I don't know man it's great"  
"Sounds shitty to me, let's watch it" Terezi says  
"Matthew McConaughey is in it right?" You ask  
"Yeah he's like the head strip club pimp dude" Dave says  
"Alright let's watch it" you say  
"Fuck yeah male strippers and shitty filters let's do this" Terezi says, smiling and bumping her shoulders between you and Dave  
Dave gets up to turn off the light, not that it really makes much of a difference since this house is basically all windows, and you click through the selection of indie movies on the tv  
When you find Magic Mike you select it and settle back against the couch, putting your feet on the coffee table  
Terezi digs Pyralspite from behind the couch and settles back squished between you and Dave with her knees pulled to her chest  
Beside you Rose tucks her feet under her and leans on Kanaya's shoulder and Karkat and Dave shuffle closer until all of you are squished together on the couch  
Unsurprisingly the whole movie is full of stupid comments and talking mostly from Dave and Terezi  
When you finally get through the movie you're all tired and the couch and coffee table are a mess  
"Yo there's a second one" Dave says, pointing at the suggested movies on the screen  
"Magic Mike XXL" Rose says, raising her eyebrows  
"That means the dongs are extra large" Dave says  
"Well that settles it, we're watching it" Rose says  
"Do you ever not support indie dick?" Dave asks her  
"Of course not, I also support indie-"  
"Oh my god don't say it" Dave says  
She grins at him, " poooon "  
"I fuckin hate you honestly" he says  
"Can we just shut the fuck up and watch it?" Karkat snaps  
"Fine, I'm putting it on, chill the fuck out" you say and click on the movie  
By the end of the movie, which somehow managed to actually be shittier than the first one, Terezi is asleep against your shoulder drooling all over you and you're debating if you should wake her up or not

  
Eventually Rose and Kanaya move to the loft above you to sleep and Dave gets a grumpy Karkat to bed upstairs  
You decide against waking up Terezi, despite how much you would enjoy to do so, you're too tired and you've both had a long day  
Instead you wipe the drool off your shirt with a pillow and shove it under her head drool side up  
Once that's done you grab a blanket from under the coffee table, pull it over you and settle on the opposite end of the couch  
In the morning you wake up after a night of Terezi kicking you in her sleep and stealing the blanket sore and annoyed at her loud voice telling you to get up for breakfast  
You get some coffee and settle on the couch again as Dave and Karkat come down stairs, Karkat already yelling about something and Dave telling him to chill  
You sigh and smile, taking a sip of coffee, "ah the sounds of morning"  
Karkat tells you to "shut the fuck up" and Terezi laughs as she comes to sit beside you with a cup of coffee in her hands  
She settles against the couch and takes a sip of her coffee  
"So what do you wanna do today?" She asks, turning to look up at you  
"Hmm, let's go to Candy Kitchen" you say  
"Only if you buy me gummy sharks" she says  
"Buy them yourself" you say  
"If you make me buy them myself I'm going to be as annoying as possible all day" she says, grinning at you  
"You fucking suck, you know that?" you say  
"I try my best" she says  
"Fine I'll buy your stupid gummy sharks but only if you attempt to build something with the candy legos with me when we get home"  
She grins, "you're on, Egbert"


End file.
